While the world engages in what is hopefully a short and productive war with Iraq, I try to get some work and laundry done before our trip. Having dropped the dog off at The Gehring's last night there is one less thing I have to do today. Kathy made us a goodie bag for the trip because she remembered my Mom used to do that. It brought a tear to my eye but joy to my belly. (You know the snack cake market just isn't what it should be in Germany.)

I was somewhat worried about taking the trip last night but I think we'll be safe. It's a German airline so there should be no trouble. One of Frank's co-workers wives flew to Minneapolis yesterday and said there was 8 people on the plane so everyone flew first class. Let's see if we're that lucky today.

I'm taking my Powerbook with me so while we're gone I'll try to update the site from there and let you know what the scene is in Europe. First order of business is to buy German shoes and very tiny eye-glasses so I fit in with the masses. Actually it's my mass that will keep me from fitting in with their generally sinewy society. I'd cut my hair like Ashleigh Banfield, but, well...you know...I have none.

One final note, Happy Birthday to my brother Scott (Sweet-16) and Happy Birth Day to Allison Joy Sheats (8lbs. 9 oz. 21"). I'll stop by and see you in person when we get back Allison, in the mean time let your parents rest, they've been up all night.

Peace out!

DATELINE:Somewhere over the Atlantic 03.20.03 22:07hrs EST (Sleepless in Steerage)

I'm typing this one on the plane because I can't sleep. It's not that it isn't dark enough or that I'm not tired, I just can't get myself to sleep. And I hate it too, I'll end up sleeping through most of our first day in Germany and it seems like a total waste. I remember the first time I met Frank's Mother I was so drowsy she thought I was Asian. Frank of course is out like a light. He needs to be well rested for the dentist in the morning. There is something about the phrase "German Dentist" that scares me.

Anyway, uninteresting and uneventful flight so far. Airport was only slightly less busy than usual in my opinion and the plane...it's full. No first class upgrades here. It's steerage all the way with cramped seats and Chicken-ala-Airplane for us. The funny thing about the food is that I think they are trying to prepare you for eating in Germany by serving you unsalted butter and ice-less Coke.

Pretty even mix on the plane of Americans and Europeans. The guy sitting in front of me is a little off. He kind of short and keeps climbing over his wife on the arm rests to get to the aisle. He's like Roberto Benini or something. Remember when he did that at the Oscars? Everyone thought it was hilarious. I thought it was time to increase the dosage. Who was he anyway? He made like one artsy movie that I never saw and all the sudden he was the greatest thing to come out of Italy since spumoni. Personally I thought he looked like the guy on the Big Johnson t-shirts.

Well, now I'm bored of this too and there's three hours left. Maybe I'll walk around the plane and see what kind of trouble I can get into. I think I saw a guy in business class wearing a toupee. I wonder if he's asleep...

DATELINE:Boettingen Germany 03.21.03 11:33hrs CET (Touchdown)

We made it. Smooth flight but still no sleep for me so I'm exhausted. Frank is at the dentist and I'm here at his Mothers house trying to "get my sleep on".

Frankfurt airport was no problem, but the car we rented is. We reserved a Golf sized car and when at the airport they offered us an Audi A2. That's right, not A4 or A6...an A2. We thought OK, here's a chance to drive something not available in the states. Between the Frankfurt airport and here we decided to turn it in at the local branch for something bigger. It's just too cramped and the highway ride is rough. My MINI is like Buick compared to this thing. We called them and as it turns out if we give back the one we have at the local branch we can actually get a bigger one for less because the airport charges a 17% surcharge! Let's see what we end up with this time.

It's nice to be here and I like his Mom's house. Who wouldn't love to have "in-laws" that don't speak English?! Seriously she's really nice and it was good to see her and Frank together again as it's been about 14 months since we've been here. PLUS his mother is a good cook and she's known me long enough to know about my eating habits. She knows my five food groups: meats (including smoked), cheeses, starches, salty snacks and sweets.

The funny thing about her neighborhood is that there is a cigarette machine on the corner. It's not a busy corner or butted up against a commercial zone, it's on the corner as if it were a mailbox or something. Things are very different when it comes to smoking here. It doesn't bother me but it struck me as strange to walk through the airport and see people huddled around a giant ashtray. Now if it were a giant cheeseburger or a big basket of fries (French or freedom) I'd understand.

Well, off to bed. Guten Nacht!

DATELINE:Boettingen Germany 03.22.03 18:26hrs CET (The Real World - Germany)

We fixed the car problem by trading it in for a Passat that seems good. Frank says it drives well but I'm yet to get behind the wheel. It's gas powered with all of 90 HP. And this just in from the "Never Try New Things" department, some how they convinced me to eat something last night that's name translates into "liver cheese". It's actually a pressed pork product like bologna that tasted good at the time. This morning my colon disagreed. Apparently it had an Easy Pass and wasn't stopping for the tolls.

Fortunately today while shopping we hit a McDonalds and it's yet to hit back. Funny thing is that when you ask for ice in your Coke they look at you like you're joking. People in line start whispering, children giggle, and somewhere in the distance a dog barks. (The latter just for dramatic effect). I guess this is all payback for that time that I told those German tourists that the IHOP in Hillsboro was the American Embassy. They were probably OK once they realized that they even if they ordered eggs they'd still get pancakes. McDonald's salvation was that they offer chocolate chocolate chip muffins that were pretty good. PLUS Frank's Mom bought these Ritter Sport candy bars yesterday that are part milk chocolate, part chocolate crème, part cookie and all heaven. (Now you can't only SEE me getting fatter, you can read about it online.)

Watched American MSNBC and SKY NEWS from the UK last night and saw what was going on in Iraq. There is little conversation about it here but it is omnipresent on the news. Looks like the war is going well as of now in spite of the fatalities. I guess Germanys Gerhardt Schroeder has the same stance as Jack Shirak but is keeping a lower profile about it. I think the last time we saw Schroeder on American TV was on Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown. And did you see the guy smacking the giant picture of Saddam with his sandal? That is definitely one for Baghdad's Funniest Home Videos.

While driving around today I saw some cars with cartoon stickers in the windows like we have at home. Although unlike home the cartoons were of animals and babies rather than the ever-present incontinent bad boy relieving himself on another manufacturer's logo. Shopping was interesting. We bought Frank's mother a DVD player for her birthday on Monday. The store where we got it sold the players but not the actual DVD's. The stores all close at 4pm on Saturday and are closed tomorrow so we won't have a chance to buy any until Monday.

Tomorrow should be a pretty slow day. Maybe I'll get some time in on the foosball table they have here. Frank's mother asked him to switch out her snow tires tomorrow. His stepfather hurt his shoulder and doesn't want to do it. His mother won't take it in to the shop to be done less someone gets the impression her husband isn't pulling his weight around the house. Aye-aye-aye.

DATELINE:Boettingen/Heilbronn Germany 03.24.03 00:05hrs CET (Embracing the Differences)

Let me start by saying I love Germany. It is an interesting country with a rich history, many handsome people and a fine selection of smoked meats and sausages. HOWEVER, I estimate that 30 to 40% of the population are kooks. Let me qualify that by saying some are kookier than others.

The subject for this study Frank's Stepfather, Jochen. He is an engineering supervisor for a company that manufacturers high-tech engine parts. Other than Frank he is the only other person in the immediate family that speaks English having lived in the USA for several months back in 1969 when training for the Olympics on the German Rowing Team. He's 60 years old and is very active still with his rowing, skiing and cycling clubs. He's a total car guy who owns two Porsche Speedsters, one he drives on weekends and one that is in storage with zero mileage as an investment. He is very interesting and has experienced a lot so we can carry on an interesting conversation for hours without fatigue. Sounds pretty normal right?

I thought so too until I really got to know him. Looking around the house there are several little signs. Though he can well afford to drive anyting he wants his daily driver is a 20 year old VW van that Fred Sanford wouldn't drive. He fashioned an awning out of scrap aluminum that is attached to the front of the garage so he can park with his windshield under it when it snows. Today I noticed that he modified THE CLUB anti-theft device to hold up part of the frame hanging over the patio. (It's even painted to match the house.) Last night he showed us a Porsche Design sled that he bought and is cutting up to make roll-over hoops for behind the seats in the Speedster. You see the Speedster is a real racer. It has a convertible top and the windshield is removable. The last time he was driving it with out the windshield, but with his helmet and goggles, the police stopped him and told them he needed roll over protection.

Well today I got caught up in it. He made me drive his BMW scooter. Oh but it gets better. It's a helmet-less scooter with a dome over it (not his creation, it's factory). It's called the BMW C1 and you strap yourself to it with seat belts so there is no risk of falling out if you crash. It has a windshield wiper, a radio, and an old leg brace that he has installed in the footwell to hold the newspaper and other things he picks up at the store. And not only did I have to ride it, but I did it all through the neighborhood. As if the helmet-less scooter didn't attract enough attention, when he noticed that Frank was video taping me on it he brought out two flags, one German – one pirate. He wanted to attach them to the scooter while I drove it but I pulled away before he had the chance. Fortunately he was waiting back at the house to wave me into the finish line with the pirate flag. (And yes, we have it on video.)

Later on Frank changed the snow tires out on his Mother's car while his Stepfather supervised while sitting in the driveway on a tiny collapsible camping stool drinking a cup of wine. His two sons stopped by to assist with the supervision and wish Frank's mother a Happy Birthday (which is tomorrow). I've met one of his sons before, Klaus, but I just met Peter for the first time today. Klaus is handsome but ordinary, while Peter is one decent hair cut away from being a model.

Tonight we had dinner with two of Frank's best friends from High School. Both I had met before here in Germany and in the US. His friend Martin's girlfriend was also along and she is from France. We seemed to steer the conversation away from the war pretty well but she did get a few remarks in. I was going to order freedom fries but didn't get the opportunity.

I'm finally sitting down to watch the news now and am saddened to hear about more American casualties and the situation with the grenade. While they say "10 killed" as if to lump them together in one group, I can't help but think about the individuals. Pick any one and think about how that person's family is getting the bad news tonight that their loved one won't be returning home. Knowing that he died a hero trying to free the Iraqis from the strangle hold of a madman will provide little comfort against the reality of an empty chair at dinner, a missing member in the next family photo and the loss of a man who was once somebody's little boy. I pray for their souls and for peace to their families and the rest of the world.

DATELINE:Boettingen/Heilbronn Germany 03.24.03 23:40hrs CET (The Birthday Marathon)

Man, am I tired. Frank's Mothers birthday was today and it was a marathon. Helma-palooza (her first name is Helma) started at 08:30hrs when she sent Frank's brother to our door to wake us up. She asked me to help with brunch by making omelets like I made for her when she visited in NJ but her smallest frying pan was about 16". After a valiant attempt on my part it was scrambled eggs for all. The doorbell rang like a starters pistol at 11:00hrs with one of her sisters being the first over the starting line. Frank would return some minutes later with his grandmother and two of her other sisters. Fortunately one of them lives in California and speaks English so I had someone to talk to, other than Frank of course.

After consuming more wiesswurst (white sausage) and mimosas then I probably should have, it was time for birthday pictures out in the garden. With digital camera in hand I followed them out onto the patio. After viewing the first two pictures on the camera, Helma decided that the sweater she was wearing made her look too chesty and would retreat to the bedroom for a wardrobe change. She would emerge 10 minutes later with a new blouse and freshly coiffed hair. (By dinner time she'd be wearing a different sweater with a scarf) After two more photos all of the women agreed that they appeared to have double chins in the pictures and were still not satisfied. Being ever resourceful I went into the house to the second floor balcony to take the pictures from overhead with all of the women looking up at me. They decided that these pictures were the best and enjoyed quite a laugh, but didn't notice that from the overhead vantage point the camera captured a fine view of Helma's cleavage.

She opened the DVD player and was very excited having shopped for one in recent weeks. Frank and I went into Heilbronn to pick up a cable that we needed and a few DVDs. While there we bought her a decoration for her kitchen shelf and an 8" skillet to make my job easier tomorrow.

When we returned around 16:00hrs I was surprised to see that her sisters and mother were still here. Apparently they were staying for the elaborate dinner she was preparing. Jochen, Helma's husband, would arrive home from work soon after. An additional long folding table was setup in the dining room along side the original table. It was a sign that there would be more late entries to the race. During dinner Helma's neice, her husband, their two daughters and their dog (Abraham) would arrive all at once. 30 minutes later her stepson Klaus would arrive with his girlfriend. If you're counting that would add up to a sit down, 4-course dinner for fourteen people (not including Abraham). Whew, I'm tired from just typing that. But someone else is tired too...Helma.

For as much as she likes to have things her way, everything was perfect. The hot food was hot, the cold food was chilled, and every thing was delicious and abundant. She probably spent a total of one hour sitting down today. The rest of her time was spent preparing, serving and cleaning--refusing most offers for assistance. That's some way to spend your birthday! On mine I want to be treated like a veal calf, only not hanging in a barn and slaughtered before my next birthday.

The final guests left about 30 minutes ago, some 12 hours after the first one arrived. Quite a marathon indeed. But in this marathon, it's not the first to finish who's the winner. It's the last. And I'm sure she has the tired feet to prove it.

Happy Birthday Helma. And thanks for a wonderful day.
DATELINE:Nekalsulm/Offenau Germany 03.25.03 21:46hrs CET (Germany's Secrets)

This morning began like most others here. With us sleeping until 10:00hrs until his mother sent his brother in to wake us. At one point earlier this morning I had sort of a half awake-half asleep dream about this house being haunted. Like ghostly voices were groaning from the beyond. Turns out it was just Helma and Gunnar (Frank's brother) singing a duet from Starlight Express on the other side of the wall. It's amazing what tricks your mind can play on you during the night when you stuff yourself with birthday cake before you go to bed as if they are about to start rationing sugar. My glucose level was probably higher than the average piñata.

I gave Helma a break today and used the new pan to make omelets for everyone, this time successfully. While waiting for Frank to finish in the shower she showed me some of Frank's baby pictures and then I took a stroll in the garden. The weather has been very agreeable here, in the mid to high 60's all week, and the spring flowers are in full bloom here. But that wasn't all I found in the garden.

There are two things you need to know. First, Germany is a country that is not bashful about nudity. I joke and say there is nudity in the Sunday supplement but truthfully the tabloids, which in the USA are usually limited to stories about Rosie O'Donnell's weight and Michael Jackson's marriages, are riddled with "dirty pillows". As is the TV after 21:00hrs in Germany where 50% of the TV commercials are graphic advertisements for phone sex. Secondly, Helma is an artist. Not professionally, as a hobby. But she has real talent. There are 3 modern sculptures in the house that I really like. Upon inquiring I found out that Helma created all of them. Including this one that is in the garden. It's a female torso decorated with a galvanized undergarments. I was shocked at first but it is so unique and beautiful. But as you can see from the picture it was still a little chilly in the shade today.

We left the house at about 13:00hrs and went on a tour of the Audi factory here in Nekarsulm. It is the original factory of NSU that became Auto Union that became Audi. The factory has been on that site for more than 100 years building bicycles in the beginning, then motorbikes then cars. The factory has been redone and rebuilt several times in it's history and is now a state of the art facility. They build all Audi A6 models and the all new Audi A8 sedan there. The place was Audi-tastic! The tour guide was like our own Willy Wonka, although there were no snozberries and he didn't give us the factory at the end. And as it would turn out he spoke English and did so without my asking. Seems he's got friends and relatives living in New York State and loves the US. Usually they do a tour of the A6 assembly line but since we were a small group he took us through the A8 facility showing us everything from the stampings of the all aluminum body to the final assembly. It was a really amazing tour capped off by a minor raid on the gift shop.

After that we went into the city of Nekarsulm to do a little shopping. After stocking up on Birkenstocks we stopped at a bakery to get a snack. Over here, bakeries have more than cake and bread. They often sell sandwiches and some small pizzas. No sooner did we step in the door than my vision fixed on what surely was a mirage. It was this heaven sent creation of a hotdog resting on a bread-bed covered with melted cheese. All of the sudden I was in my happy place with the sandwich in one hand, a bottle of Coke in the other running through a field of french...errr.aaa...freedom fries while "Love the One You're With" was playing in the background. I came back once my head hit the glass case (it's not safe, they should put a decal on it or something). After greeting the cheese crusted creations with my usual, "Hello Ladies!" we purchased two. And they were so good, I think I might have blacked out briefly because of all the excitement.

There were a few more things of interest in Nekarsulm. On a wall between some buildings there was one of the many public cigarette machines. The interesting thing about this one is that there was a gumball machine attached to the wall right next to it. So lets see....candy or king-sized...Bazooka or menthol...blowing a bubble or blowing your chances of living past 65. I checked to make sure, but it wasn't Nicorette gum in the machine. Frank also pointed out the town hall where Helma and Jochen were married which ironically houses a pub in the basement. The other picture here was a sign that I saw shortly after eating the hotdog and cheese bread. Was it a sign of things to come?

On our way back to the house we called Frank's Dad and made plans to meet him at the stables where he keeps his horse. Frank had only visited the horse at this stable once before and wasn't sure of the location. After stopping at another paddock and questioning several of the local horses we arrived at the right stable. Frank's father had not yet arrived but Frank quickly befriended a horse he suspected to be his. After some friendly sniffing and a quick nip (the horse, not Frank) his father arrived and directed us to the correct steed. After some brushing, petting and cleaning (again, for the horse) his Dad was off for a ride and we headed back to the house.

In looking through the pictures that I took yesterday I found another funny one of Frank's Aunt Inge and I showing how not to have a double chin in photographs.

Early tomorrow morning we're off to spend a few days in Barvaria so I'll sign off here. I want to join Frank and his Stepdad in the living room for a while before I go to bed. They're watching a Dateline-like show on the TV where they are doing a hidden camera investigation on bars that don't fill the beer glasses all the way. (I swear it's true, I couldn't make that up!)

DATELINE:Garmisch Germany 03.26.03 23:20hrs CET (Yodel-lau-heee-hooo)

Today we took a drive to Garmisch, my favorite place in Germany. It's south of Munich very near Austria. The highest point in Germany is just outside of town in the Alps. You can go up an alp in Germany and come down in Austria on the other side. Rolling hills of green that I imagine are the backdrop for the Riccola commercials surround the snow-topped mountains.

It's a very quaint, traditionally Bavarian town that is so beautiful it was intentionally spared by the allied forces during World War II. It was once home to the Winter Olympics and is still home to an American military base. Because of the base there are Americans all over the place. There are American cars here with German plates and even the restaurant menus are in German and English. Plus there's a Pizza Hut AND a McDonald's right downtown. We however went to our favorite restaurant called The Golden Angel for Rahmschnitzel and Spaetzel which I seem to be digesting nicely.

While some people think that all German cities look like Garmisch, the truth is that many of them are filled with much more modern, post war buildings. This Bavarian region of southern Germany is only one part of the country. Things that are considered typically "German" like lederhosen, Oktoberfest and oom-pa-pa bands are in fact specific to Bavaria.

Here in Garmisch year round winter sports on the Alps attract a wealthy crowd with many resort hotels and some high-end shops mixed in with the usual fare. We're staying in a very nice hotel that we stayed in the last time we were here in December 2001. In fact we somehow ended up in the exact same room. I recognize it because there is a piece missing from the chandelier over the bed that I noticed the last time. There is even this fancy drinking fountain in the bathroom.

We'll spend part of the day here tomorrow and then drive up to Munich to meet up with some of Frank's friends from college. By being here tonight we are missing Frank's cousins annual "American Party". She serves food that is traditionally American like chicken wings, hamburgers and American style pizza with red onions and corn on it. Yeah...I know... She told Frank's mother that this year she wouldn't be hanging her large American flag from her balcony in fear of repercussions.

Maybe it's because we spent so much time in the car today with the radio on and because the TV here has more American news channels, but I seem to be surrounded by war news today. I imagine it's the same way in the states. I keep seeing news of the protests around the world but still somehow the news keeps saying that support for the war is strong. I'm growing more and more concerned about our troops especially when I hear the stories of the Geneva Convention violations. I guess it just shows what type of people we're dealing with there. I continue to pray for all involved and for a quick resolution to the war.

DATELINE:Autobahn between Munich and Stuttgart Germany 03.27.03 23:38Hrs. CET (Garmisch and Munich)

I'm writing this while we're driving back to Frank's mothers house. We're on the Autobahn right now doing about 160km/h (about 105-110mph). It's late so there aren't too many cars on the road but there are still people blowing past us from time to time going considerably faster in cars much smaller than the Passat. It's crazy I tell ya!

We slept in this morning and missed the hotels free breakfast. The Garmisch McDonald's serves breakfast until noon but we were slightly too late for that as well so we had what was only our second round of McDonald's burgers since we've been here. Thinking my German is improving with each day that passes I decided to be the big man and order for myself. "Ein nummer drei maxi bitte mit kein salat und cola mit eis." I say and the counterpersons response..."For here or to go?" He understood me, which was good, but he could tell by my pronunciations that I was an American. Even in Germany I can't get a break.

So we did a little window-shopping in Garmisch. We looked in a toy store that had these personalized key chains with such names as Heike, Heinz and Helga. Later we headed up to Munich for the afternoon. I've only been to the airport there so seeing the downtown was particularly interesting to me. The old buildings, the shops, the beer...the beer?? Yup, though it was only about 3 in the afternoon the Biergarten was filled with the young and old sucking down the suds. We decided to pass at the time but on our way back to the car we decided to stop and toss one back with a couple of rotwurts. By that time it was after five, in my opinion a much more respectable hour for such things.

I'd have to say that Munich was one of the more interesting cities in Europe that I have seen. Not because of the buildings or the shops, they are great but let's face it once you've seen one-350 year old church you've seen them all practically. It's the diversity of the people that make it so unique. There are regular Joes (and Josephine's) and mixed in with them are people in traditional Bavarian dress. On top of that there are the goth-punk looking kids that appear as if they hate the world when in reality they just haven't found themselves yet. There were students of many different nationalities, a large group of Italian tourists and one more group that by far stood out the most.

In Germany when the men complete high school (called gymnasium here) they are required to spend 18 months either doing public service or in the military before they go to college. The women are not required to do this and thus they end up graduating from college at a younger age than the men. Frank chose civil service and assisted in a surgical emergency room at a hospital near home. The men we saw today, roughly 50 of them spread throughout town in groups large and small, had chosen military service and had just completed their 18 month tour.

These guys stood out for a few reasons. First of all they were all completely loaded having spent most of the day drinking beer in the streets. Each one was wearing a white sweatshirt with German flag trim. The sweatshirts were covered with military patches, some had small bells all over them, and all had handwriting all over them. What they do is take a marker with them and approach pretty women on the street asking them to write notes of congratulations (and hopefully their phone numbers) on the shirts as a memento. While they are with the women they are more quiet and attempt to be charming as to garner their "lucky" numbers. We all know how suave a man can be after 6 or 7 pints. But when they are together with their brother in the larger groups they are smoking, drinking, smashing the glasses, and chanting military fight songs for all to hear. I did shoot some video and captured this one blurry picture from afar. Quite a unique right of passage that I'm sure they'll be sleeping off well into tomorrow.

DATELINE:Nekarsulm/Boettingen Germany 03.28.03 21:13Hrs. CET (Porker)

Today we spent the afternoon at Frank's grandmothers home in Nekarsulm, about 15 minutes from where Frank's mother lives. His mother, brother and Aunt Inge from California were there for coffee and cake. There was light conversation and she shared some photos of Frank's grandfather and of Helma and Inge when they were younger.

For some reason his grandmother loves me. The first time I was ever at her apartment was last year at Christmas time. Helma had told us that her coffee maker was broken so we brought her a new one when we visited. Some how she associates the coffee maker with me and is constantly telling Frank on the phone to tell me hello and that she thinks of me every time she makes coffee. I remind most people of donuts, but I digress.

Oma Leni is 89 years old and is living in the same apartment for 35 years. She buried Frank's grandfather back in the early 70's (he was dead at the time) and has lived there alone ever since. I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone for more than 30 years and then spend another 30 or so on your own. Hopefully I won't have to.

For Oma Leni it's time to move into assisted living. There were some difficulties at first. As you can imagine that she was resistant to moving from the home she made with her husband into a smaller place that is so different. However it just isn't practical or safe for her to live alone anymore. Earlier this week Oma Leni, Helma and Inge visited a local assisted living center that has a good reputation in town. Oma Leni discovered several people she knew were already living there. She also found out that the wife of the former Mayor of Nekarsulm is living there and she decided it would be good for her, too. Upon returning home she was already choosing what she would take and what she would leave behind.

After leaving Oma's house we stopped at Germany's version of The Home Depot called Bauhaus to pick up some tools Frank needed to disassemble his bike for transport to the states. We walked around the store a bit and found it to be very similar to The Home Depot but slightly smaller and different. They had a whole section of car and bicycle supplies but no appliances for sale. The one neat thing I noticed in the paint section was that one particular brand of latex was sold in a flat, rectangular container that also served as a paint tray. Seems like a pretty good idea.

Upon returning back to Helma's house it was time to go to dinner. Their restaurant of preference, castle on a hill in town, was closed for the evening so they decided to take us to Schnitzel Charly's. In my mind I'm picturing it to be like Beefsteak Charlie's in New York. A man with a handlebar moustache wearing a striped shirt and apron would be leading a restaurant wide sing-a-long while pouring free sangria for everyone. (For those of you who remember the Beefsteak Charlie's commercials you'll know what I'm talking about) Schnitzel Charly's was...let's say...different.

First off their logo is a laughing pig lying on a platter about to commit euthanasia to itself with a fork. The first thing that I notice in the menu is that there is a list of whole schnitzels and half schnitzels. I had never seen half schnitzels before. For those of you who don't know, a schnitzel is a piece of meat, usually pork, pounded out thin then breaded and deep-fried. Because it's pounded out a usual schnitzel is roughly 2.5 times the size width wise and about half the thickness of a deep fried boneless chicken breast you'd get in an American restaurant. Well not at Schnitzel Charly's!

Literally within minutes of placing our order the waitress returned carrying huge platters as if she were the drive-in waitress at the beginning of The Flintstones. Was this food some how being served family style? Nope, there was a platter for each of us. Frank, his stepfather and I had all ordered full sized schnitzels and were each presented with a piece of meat of prehistoric proportions. The schnitzel was so huge that you couldn't see the plate below. It was approximately 10"x10" in size and about a half inch thick. My best estimate is that there was approximately a pound of meat, breading and grease glistening back at me from the dish. I'm kicking myself now for not bringing the camera to the restaurant. Frank's stepfather threw down the gauntlet as if it were some B grade military film by saying, "You have to finish it, don't let it beat you." Having eaten little all day I felt up for the challenge.

I got about halfway through before the morale of the troops started to wane. With continued encouragement from Frank and his stepfather I pressed on. Somewhere around the 70 or 80 percent mark (it's all kind of fuzzy now) I decided it was over, I had lost the battle. I would admit defeat and be relegated to the ranks of the women and children who only order half schnitzels. I glanced over at Frank's plate and he was finished already. What!? Anyone who has ever eaten a meal with me knows I'm usually the first one finished. How could he be done already? That was it, I was determined to finish. I glanced at my belly and said, "Suit up, we're going in again."

After a few tedious bites I was finished. Victory was mine! Although my belt and the top button of my jeans are listed amongst the wounded. And then it hit me. The pound of fried dough and pork weighed heavy in my stomach. I heard a gurgle come from down there similar to an air bubble as it floats to the top of a water cooler. I felt like I wouldn't be able to walk to the car until after someone rolled me to the juicing room. When Frank's mother jokingly suggested dessert I think I had a mini-puke. When looking at Gunnar's partially uneaten schnitzel on his plate I thought again I would vom. I then noticed the other people in the restaurant who appeared to all be laughing and stuffing themselves with the deep fried flesh and immediately interjected, "CHECK PLEASE!!"

So what is the moral of the story? As in war, we should all choose our battles carefully and not based on pride and honor. Success is never guaranteed, and victory is not always as satisfying as expected.

DATELINE:Stuttgart Germany 03.29.03 22:34Hrs. CET (Coming to a Close)

Today was our last full day here. We were determined to get up early to go to Stuttgart and we did. We were in the shower by 08:00Hrs and on the road by 09:30Hrs. Schnitzel Charly was digesting nicely through out the night and well into today, thank you very much.

Stuttgart was one of the nicer cities that we’ve visited here. It seemed less chaotic than Munich and less trashy than Hamburg. Home to Mercedes and Porsche, Stuttgart is also running a campaign to be the site of the 2012 Olympics. Later in the day we went to the Porsche Museum at Porsche’s Headquarters on Porsche Street. (Now everyone, use “Porsche” three times in a sentence.) It was an interesting, but small museum with about 15 cars including cut-a-way versions of the Porsche Boxster S and All New Porsche Cayenne SUV. Frank’s stepfather’s company makes the pistons and engine blocks for both. There was a small gift shop but no raid this time

Earlier in the day we walked around the downtown shopping district. I was hoping to find a few gifts I had been looking for during the trip but found nothing that inspired me. For anyone who knows me I usually don’t need any inspiration to shop. In the past I was able to find clothes and shoes that were different enough to be interesting but not kooky enough to attract attention in the states. Part of the problem this time was the prices. When Germany switched over to the Euro back in 2002 the retailers used it as an opportunity to confuse the consumer and raise the cost of virtually everything. With Birkenstocks for example, the last time I bought them here they were roughly equivalent to $45 USD, this time they were about $52 USD, about a 13% price increase in 18 months. While $7 may not seem like much, imagine an overnight price jump of 13% on virtually everything…houses, cars, furniture. Still the sandals are considerably less than the $90 USD they charge at home.

After shopping around a bit, we stopped to listen to a band hired by the Stuttgart for 2012 Olympics Committee to promote the event. Dressed in bright colored and patterned suits that even Elton John might be embarrassed to wear they sang such favorites as “Ubertown Frau” (Uptown Girl) and “In Der Jungle”. I captured some of it on tape and every time I turned the camera off they started with a song that was funnier than the last and I had to turn it back on. I was going to offer to sing “Proud Mary” on stage but I was afraid the band couldn’t keep up. (Tina Turner’s version that is.)

In walking back we had a few rotwursts and then took seat on the steps of a building in the shopping district just to people watch and relax in the sun for a while. Again, an incredibly wide variety of people. The nice thing about these German downtown areas, both in cities big and small, is that there are always open plazas with chairs where people sit for hours and socialize. Some chatting with friends, others laughing over the punk kids wild hairdos, some having a meal or just ice cream, or even nursing a beer or two. I’ve seen very few places like that in the states short of Lincoln Road Mall or Ocean Drive in Miami Beach. But even those places don’t capture the same spirit found here.

This afternoon when we returned to Helma’s house Jochen was here with his Citroen 2CV. Earlier in the week the 2CV was out for service so this is the first time we’ve seen it. The 2CV is a French car that believe it or not they made until the early 90’s. Frank’s mother had one when Frank was younger and he says that he remember that when ever they drove in the rain their feet would get wet from a leak in the front of the car. Jochen bought this one last summer and has been fixing it up. It’s a 1989 model that was built in Portugal. It has four doors, “four” seats, and all of 29 horsepower. And of course, I “had” to drive it. I crammed myself inside and went around the block a few times. It was kind of fun, but I was afraid that they would need a canned-ham key to get me out of it.

Tonight we had dinner with Frank’s Dad and his girlfriend. They cooked a delicious German pork roast and homemade spaetzle. His father even showed me the technique and I think I can make it, too. After a few bottles of wine we got to talking about Germany and how different it was compared to the states. I thought back to earlier today when we were sitting in the plaza reminiscing about the week, I felt so relaxed and so comfortable with being here. I realized that this was my fourth visit to Germany that I was really used to life here and the way it all works. I feel like I know enough about the lifestyle, the language and the food to get by. I really could see myself living here sometime. If the opportunity arises I just might take it. And then it happened. Frank’s Dad started showing the video of when he and his girlfriend visited us back in December. There were scenes around New York City, around our house and pictures of the dog. I was reminded of how much I miss that crazy hound, and thought while I’ll be sad to leave tomorrow going home won’t be so bad at all.

We leave early for the airport tomorrow so I won’t have time to post another story. I hope you all enjoyed this and maybe learned a little about us, Germany, and to stay away from Schnitzel Charly’s!

Auf Weidersehen!