Lesson Learned
The story I'm writing today is very different that the one I was planning to write just 24-hours ago. Yesterday I had my first job interview here in Germany and I fully expected to write a piece filled with excitement over a new adventure. Instead it's about understanding myself better through introspection.

A few weeks ago while speaking to Frank's friend Jan he mentioned that his sister is the head of a language study school here in Hamburg. The school is part of a worldwide corporation that is very well known. Because I believe their methods have a deservingly high reputation I won't mention their name...but it rhymes with Nerlitz. Jan asked his sister if she would be able to extend a discount to me should I be interested in taking a German language course at their center. Unfortunately she said because I'm not a family member she was unable to help, but that they were always looking for native English speakers for different positions within the organization. Eager for any employment opportunity, I emailed her my resume, we spoke on the telephone last week and we met yesterday afternoon at 2.

Having not asked about their office attire during our conversation and rebuffing offers for Frank to question Jan on the subject, I decided that I would wear my black suit. Regardless of their attire I would feel more professional and felt it was appropriate for an interview. Much like in New York, black is the professional color of choice here in Hamburg until something darker comes along. I selected the right shirt and tie from my collection that has been dormant since last September. Being out of practice it took me three times to make my Windsor knot just right. A quick dusting and polish on my shoes that once I put them on felt uncomfortable but familiar somehow. I don't often compliment myself, but I looked good with the near perfect cut of the suit hiding most of my physical shortcomings. I felt ready to march into corporate battle once again and emerge victoriously as I had in the past.

After a short bus ride I arrived at their offices downtown. I first met with Jan's sister. After exchanging pleasantries and some personal banter she began to wax poetic about the company and it's methods (which I am still convinced are amongst the best). She then turned me over to one of her senior staff member whose duties included recruiting as well as scheduling, teaching and monitoring the quality the services provided. After discussing my experience and the job requirements for a freelance English instructor in detail (see my postscript) she indicated that she was running out of time as she had a class to teach. The interview had gone very well, I had done my best job of presenting myself including giving just the right amount of eye contact without being creepy. But she wanted to do one more thing. She flipped over the piece of paper she had been taking notes on and wrote a few things down. She started asking me technical grammar questions. Past perfect, present perfect, something with a three. Things that would be required to diagram a sentence. She mentioned "gerund" and all I could think of was the guy who lost all the weight eating turkey subs. (No, that's Jared.) And right then it happened. The whole interview cam crashing down around me. I was unable to answer most of her questions and felt really uncomfortable. Even physically I was squirming. I hadn't felt this way in a very long time, maybe ever. I tend to have low self-esteem but I have been working on this inner confidence and have really improved it over the past 6 or 7 years. All of it seemed to melt away in less than five minutes. I explained that it had been a long time since I was asked to do something like that but that I felt that I could learn it again.

In the very end she said that she would recommend me for their training class. She said that I was very personable, professional and that my use of the language and pronunciation were excellent. But there were certain things that they would not teach me that I had to know like all of the proper tenses and uses by name. For some reason I never really thought of the job that way. I figured there were certain course materials to be followed and that was it. I left on a positive note and sat down on a bench near the office. I scribbled down a few of the tenses she mentioned and planned to go home and research it all on the Internet. The information is out there. Should be No reason why I couldn't learn those things again. My confidence was coming back.

On the bus ride home, I began to doubt myself again. Thinking maybe I can't learn those things. Maybe my comprehension of such things is just not there. Maybe even my marginal dyslexia is the cause. I began to look at the other people on the bus. An older lady who was dressed high-classed was sitting next to me. She appeared to be successful. Was she more intelligent than I am and able to learn and comprehend things that I wasn't? Or was she just born of or married to someone successful and rode on their coat tails? What about the poorly dressed man near the front of the bus? Was I smarter than him or was he intelligent but lacked the motivation to be successful?

As I was walking home from the bus stop I started to realize that it wasn't my intelligence or comprehension (or lack of those things) that put me in the position I was in at the end of the interview. That's just an excuse. It was that I didn't really care about remembering those things because I never was interested in being an English teacher. Could I have ever become a heart surgeon? No. I never had the interest or motivation required. I think to be truly successful at any job you need a certain level of intelligence and comprehensive abilities but personal motivation is extremely important. (Luck doesn't hurt either.) Having that motivation or drive or desire will ultimately lead to success. There is an old saying that goes, "You can do anything as long as you set your mind to it". I think it would be better said, "You can do anything as long as your heart is in it."

After coming to that realization and all the downsides to working there you can read in the postscript, I decided that it would be best not to pursue a position with them. Though in the end I still don't have a job I think just the interview alone has helped me learn a lot about myself the type of work I'll look for in the future.

Postscript
Other than the emotional aspects I just recounted the job has a lot of downsides. Too many in fact and virtually no reward or potential for advancement. It pays only about 18 euro an hour (mind you half of that goes back to the German government and 3 euro a day would go to bus fare), the hours are most often between 8 and 10am (no prob) AND 5 and 10pm (prob) up to 6 days a week (oye!). It's a freelance job so there is no guarantee that there will be work but when there is they only let you know between 2pm and 9pm the day before making it virtually impossible to plan anything in your life. There are no benefits, no paid time off, no paid holidays and you are responsible for reporting and paying your own taxes. Training is a 60 hour UNPAID program over 7 days in a town that's 60 miles north of here. The only thing they reimburse you for are your train tickets and that's only after you pass the class and have worked there for three months. And she spent about 10 minutes emphasizing how difficult and stressful the training is and only people who really dedicate themselves to it complete it successfully. She equated it as doing two years of college in a week and a half.

So the job pays badly, the schedule is miserable and the training is grueling. What's the upside? What's the one glimmer of hope that makes it all worth it? How about the satisfaction of teaching and helping the students accomplish something. That would almost do it for me. But hold on cowboy, not so fast. Apparently they have full time contract teachers as well and they have a commitment to them to give them a certain amount of work. I could teach the first 9 session of a 10 session class and the night before class 10 they could call me (as late as 9pm) and tell me "sorry, we have to give your last class to a full timer." Apparently they do this all the time. And not just in the end but in the middle, or every other week, virtually anytime. It just all seems to unrewarding and uninteresting that I'll choose to remain unemployed.

McDonald`s to eliminate Super Size meals - report

March 03, 2004 07:33:26 (ET)
(my comments are in bold)

CHICAGO, March 3 (Reuters) - McDonald's Corp. (MCD,Trade) plans to phase out Super Size French fries and soft drinks as the world's largest restaurant chain promotes its "healthy lifestyle initiative," according to a Dow Jones report. Makes me want to jog right down there and have a Big Mac to celebrate.

The company will eliminate the seven-ounce fries carton, its largest, and stop serving 42-ounce drinks as an everyday offering, according to the report, which cited information from franchisees and the company. OK, I agree about the drink. Anything that comes in a collectors bucket (other than chicken) is too much. But 7 ounces of fries? That's nothing! It's not even a half pound!

The drinks will still be available as a promotional item, the company told Dow Jones. Thanks, throw us a bone once in a while.

The move comes amid continued concerns about growing obesity in the United States. If they're so concerned about obesity make the doors narrower so that only people who weigh less than...lets say 260...can get in? (For the record I'm 255 but I want the extra wiggle room just in case.)

A McDonald's spokesman could not be reached to comment on the report. They were eating. For that matter, I wonder what they serve in the cafeteria at their corporate offices?

The Super Size fries contain 610 calories, 29 grams of fat, 390 milligrams of sodium and 77 grams of carbohydrates, according to analysts, Dow Jones said. In Bizzarroworld wouldn't the higher numbers be better?

The seven-ounce carton will be out of restaurants by Dec. 31, the report said. I know what I'll be doing New Year's Eve.

The company will also drop a 14-ounce version of its fruit and yogurt parfait, replacing it with one half that size, Dow Jones said. It will also replace 2 percent milk with 1 percent milk, according to the report. Fruit, yogurt and milk at McDonald's? Do they really have that there? I never noticed.

Something’s Fishy
A few weekends ago we were walking along the Alster with Frank's friend Ollie. He is the guy who's dating one of the beautiful twin-models who do advertisements for a German pharmaceutical company. While we're walking along he saw that Frank and I muttered something between each other. Wondering if he missed something he asked us to repeat what we said. We told him that two blatantly gay dudes had just walked by and we were asking each other if we'd seen them. His surprised response was, "Where? Which guys?" Which guys?? Did we really need to point them out? I mean if you saw two tall-thin guys in their 50's walking dressed to the nines with long fur-collared coats, a ton of gold jewelry, perfect tans (it's February in northern Germany mind you), perfectly coiffed and colored hair with a Pomeranian in tow what else are you to think? They mistakenly hired Siegfried and Roy as stylists? NO! They're gay...gay gay gay! Gay as a spandex tuxedo. Gay as the dressing room at the Ice Capades. Gay as Clinique products for men. (I have to say though their face scrub is amazing and is available at better retailers for only $15)

He was amazed that we could tell so easily and asked us to point out others. He continued to be surprised, not seeing it himself. Was he really that thick that he couldn't pick out differences? Was our gaydar that good? (For those of you who don't know, gaydar is defined on WordSpy.com as an intuitive sense that enables someone to identify whether another person is gay.) And then it came to me. He never detected them because it never mattered to him. I'm sure like most guys he checked out every woman who passed and not being interested in guys he never paid attention. He never noticed because their lives never affected his.

From CNN I'm getting that the gay marriage issue is becoming a real hot button in the states. The things that are going on in California, Massachusetts and New York seem to be really building steam. But I have this feeling that things are going to end badly for them. That their licenses will end up being declared void and they will lose faith and respect in the lawmakers. I think if they call it a civil union and give us the same rights as marriage that would be perfectly acceptable and a huge step for human rights. But some people just can’t let go of the word “marriage”. Is it more important to be “married” in your heart or to have it printed on a piece of paper in a file downtown?

I also keep seeing these statistics that a high percentage of Americans don't support gay marriage. Let me guess, it's the ones who aren't gay? It would be like me going against McDonald's for selling filet-o-fish sandwiches. (Here in Germany they call them Fish Mac’s) I don't know anything about their fish sandwiches or where they come from or how their made or even what they taste like because I don't eat fish at all. So ask me if I'm for or against McDonald's fish sandwich and my firm stance is against.

But what if they stopped making them? The people who catch the fish, process, prepare and sell it would all be affected in a negative way. I did a little research found out that the filet-o-fish has been sold since 1963 and was developed by a franchisee for Catholics who ate no meat on Friday and not in a corporate lab. Currently it’s made by Gorton’s, a family-run company from Gloucester, MA. Taking the time to learn that took me all of five minutes on the Internet but it’s changed my opinion. I’m no longer against them. They’ve been around since before I was born and lots of people enjoy them. They are very important to some people’s livelihood. The fact that they exist doesn’t affect me in a negative way so why should I care? It’s selfish and ignorant for me to have a stance at all on the issue.

Lets rewind a bit to those last few lines only this time apply them to gay marriage. What if the average American had the same point of view I have on the filet-o-fish but with this issue? Letting it happen doesn’t affect their lives in any way. Gays have been around since before they were born and the ability to marry is important to them. Isn’t it selfish and ignorant of them to denounce it? Are they afraid that by not disapproving that they are in some way supporting it? Don’t want to call it marriage? Call it civil union (or Fish Mac) like they do here in Germany. The results of having either one will be just as satisfying.

Chips off the old diet
The other day when I was in the market I was trying to think of something good to snack on. I've decided to stop eating chips for lent so I needed to find an alternative. That's right, those salty little slices of deep fried heaven are officially cut from my menu until Easter (or for as long as I can stand it). But I can't be blamed if we are out somewhere and I accidentally eat one mistaking it for a carrot slice or something. It could happen. It's a big city and I'm sure there must be some poorly lit crudités restaurant here somewhere. "What? Was that a potato chip? I thought it was a carrot. Damn this poorly lit place. It's the work of the devil I say!"

Giving them up is potentially difficult so I began the negotiation process with myself. OK, I'll give up only Pringles. No, I'll give them all up. Maybe just sour cream and onion Pringles. Nope, they all have to go. OK, only the light sour cream and onion version in small cans. I know, I know...that's ridiculous. They don't even make that version in small cans. And what about corn chips? I distinctly remember thinking POTATO chips. OK, if I'm going to get technical like that then lets just forget it. It was at that point that the negotiations broke down and I considered hiring a mediator. I wonder how that would go?

I'd arrive at his office and introduce myself. We sit down and he'd say, "We'll start as soon as the other party gets here." "Oh, there is no other party, it's just me." After a few strange looks, which I'm not wholly unfamiliar with, he'd escort me to the door.

Back to the problem at hand, finding an alternative. And then it hit me, microwave popcorn! It didn't actually hit me. That would be assault. Mmmm...salt...and butter! YUMMY! I loved Pop-Secret movie theater butter, but when I was dieting I got hooked on Jolly Time 93% fat free butter flavored. It was great, lo-cal and I could eat a whole bag for like 4 Weight Watchers points. But in scouring the shelves at that market I came up empty handed. Is there no microwave popcorn in Germany? I decided to do some research on the internet.

Did you know that Category sales of unpopped popcorn ring up to more than $1.2 billion in the United States and Americans munch 17 billion quarts of the fluffy white stuff each year? Just last June Jolly Time produced their billionth bag of the microwave variety in only five years. More than 60% of US households are microwave popcorn consumers. Here's another interesting quote that I found from the company Golden Valley who makes ACT II:

"Global markets present opportunities. With sales in more than 30 countries, and the leading share in most of those markets, Golden Valley has followed the penetration of microwave ovens in countries around the world. However, foreign markets represent foreign tastes, something that does not always lend itself to standardized products. United Kingdom consumers, for example, think of popcorn as a candy or child's food rather than the salty snack it is in the United States. Even in the Disney Park in Paris, American-style popcorn is absent, as French consumers sprinkle sugar on their popcorn. Swedes like theirs very buttery while many Mexicans like jalapeno-flavored popcorn."

Fortunately as it turns out, one of those 30 countries is Germany. They put corn on the pizza here but how do they like their popcorn? As soon as I find it here I'll let you know. Hope springs kernel...I mean eternal.